


How to be a Dad

by Autumn_Kismet



Category: Dan Howell - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Phil Lester - Fandom, dan and phil
Genre: Children, F/M, Gay, M/M, Self Harm, mental health
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-05-19 21:36:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5981695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autumn_Kismet/pseuds/Autumn_Kismet





	1. Chapter 1

PREFACE:

Today is the day. Against his mother's wishes and, according to her, his better judgement, today is the day that Dan is going to meet him. This day has been leading up for weeks, each day the excitement that twisted through Dan's body grew stronger and enveloped his very being until he had finally woken up early this morning in order to catch the train to Manchester. 

"Are you sure about this, Daniel?" His mum asks as he scoffs down a second piece of toast, "Because I really wish you wouldn't go."  
"Mum, it'll be fine!" Dan laughs, "I promise," he says more seriously this time.  
"Are you sure you ought to be meeting strange men from the Internet? Older men, specifically," she adds with a frown, "I know you're eighteen, and I know I can't stop you, but you’re my baby and I don't want you getting hurt..."  
"Mum," Dan begins with the last mouthful of his third piece of toast still in his mouth. She frowns again and he swallows before continuing. "I know him. He's my friend. It's going to be okay!"  
"Alright," she sighs, "Send me an SMS when you get there before you see him, and then another one when you're with him and you're positive you're safe. Promise me, Dan?"  
"I promise," he smiles, slowing rising from his chair and moving his plate to the sink. "Love you," he says to his mum as she wraps her arms around his thin body and kisses his cheek.  
"I love you so much, and if you get murdered I'm going to kill you!" 

The train ride is long, not as long-feeling as Dan had expected, but even with his new, lingering feeling of anxiety in the pit of his stomach that seems to have almost sped up time it's taken the whole three hours or so that the website had predicted.  
The ever-expanding feeling of nervousness grows considerably as the computerised voice crackles through the speakers, telling all of the passengers on the train that Manchester is the next stop. Dan watches through the window as they slow down, the train reaching the station and beginning to come to a stop at the platform. He stands and then apologises to the man beside him that has to shuffle out of the seat for a moment in order for Dan to get out, and next thing he knows he's stepping off the train and standing on the platform.  
He looks like a lost puppy. There's a sea of people walking with purpose, some with suit cases, a few with briefcases, and one woman even has someone carrying bags for her. There are so many suits that's Dan's lost count of them all and he's beginning to think that maybe he should just go home. He did buy a return ticket, after all. All he has to do is look at the board and hop back on another train. 

He sucks in a deep breath and closes his eyes to ground himself. He's okay. He doesn't need to go home. He can, and will, do this! He opens his brown eyes, blinking a few times before starting to walk toward the stairs off the platform, heading to the spot by the loos and the public telephone that he agreed to meet at over Skype last night. He's excited. Scared, but excited. What if he doesn't like Dan in person? What if he never shows up? What if he sees Dan and decides that he doesn't want to waste his time with someone like him? 

"Dan?" A deep, familiar voice asks from behind him, and Dan stifles his smile as he turns and sees the face that he was almost scared would never emerge from the crowd.  
"Hi," Dan breathes out with a relieved smile, and then they're both smiling and hugging and Dan feels so small in his arms. Safe and small.  
"I'm so glad you're here," the dark haired man says, running his fingers through Dan's fringe before pulling away.  
"Me too," he grins, "Just one second," he says, sending his mother a quick second text.  
"All good?"  
Dan looks up again and catches eye contact with his deep eyes and nods. "Alright, I'm just going to use the bathroom and then we can go," Dan speaks, taking a few steps forward before walking into the nearby men's room.  
It's when Dan's standing at the urinal, silently happy and relieved that everything has worked out, that he feels hands on his hips. It's sudden and uncomfortable, the second he feels the fingers begin to wrap around the curve of his hips, he whips his head around and sees the same, familiar face again, this time looking more predatory than friendly. 

 

Flash.  
The click of the camera echoes through Phil's ears and the white light penetrates through his eyes, surrounding his brain and triggering thoughts of fleeing, escaping never to be seen again.  
"Philip, will you just stand up straight for the picture? Just- ugh, do I have to do everything myself? Smile!" 

He smiles, obeying his commands, fixing his posture and looking deep into the lens of the camera. If eyes really are the window to the soul then maybe someone that sees this photo will be able to tell how fake it is... Both of them standing tall for the Christmas card photo, smiling pretty lies for public eyes through the lens of the camera. The green and black jumper hides the bruises on his arms, makeup covers the purple tinge to his jaw, but nothing can mute the fear and sadness that have settled in his eyes.  
It's an act. None of this is real. He can see the photos on the computer screen of him and Harry, but it's not really them. They're smiling, arms around each other and Harry's lips on Phil's cheek. It's cute, Phil thinks. It looks like exactly what he wants. The photos portray exactly what Phil thought he was signing up for when he had first started dating Harry almost two years ago. He was naive, just twenty years old and incapable of believing that someone as perfect as Harry could be abusive. Now he knows better, but there's no way out. 

"Babe," Harry says as they're walking back toward their London flat. Phil looks at him and the older, blonde haired man continues, "You go home. I'm gonna stop in at the pub and see if Damo's workin', yeah?"  
"Yeah," Phil nods as Harry's hand squeezes his quickly before letting go. 

Phil watches his boyfriend walk away and turn into the first street on the right. The pub isn't for another block and a half... And it's on the left. Phil sighs. He knows Harry gets himself into all sorts of trouble and he's long stopped caring. He turns back and starts heading home, slipping his hands into his pocket and- oh. Oh. Harry didn't take Phil's phone with him like usual.  
Phil pulls the phone from his pocket, pressing the Home button and sliding to unlock it. There's no passcode. He's not allowed to have a passcode. He speeds up his pace until the faces of the people around him are blurred and he's running. He runs down the street, then down the stairs, and he finally manages to guide his trembling finger to the green phone icon as he holds his Oyster Card, the one kept on the inside of his clear iPhone case, up to the machine beside him.  
He stops. He's panting, he's scared, and he’s fighting back laughter and tears at the same time. In front of him is the train track. The train is due at the platform in one minute. He just needs to keep himself convinced that this is the right thing long enough to step off the platform and escape the hell he lives in. 

"Mum..." His breathy and trembling voice speaks into the phone, "Yeah, I'm okay... Mum, I'm coming home." 

 

Phil steps off the train at Manchester after a little over two hours on the train. He's had seven missed calls from Harry - well, they were more ignored calls than missed - as well as text messages flooding in between each call. Some of them are threats, and Phil's scared that Harry will know where he is and hunt him down like a defenceless animal. His fear is reignited with the feeling of vibrations in his pocket, he pulls out his phone and sees the same name gracing the screen with its anxiety induced presence.  
Phil watches the last of the passengers exit the train before the train doors close and it suddenly occurs to him that Harry can track him with his phone. He'll know exactly where Phil is. From the safety of behind the yellow line, and with all of the crazy he has left in his body after his sudden runaway, he throws it. He throws his phone into the train, earning a few shouts from some people around him, and then the doors close. Within minutes the train will be gone and Harry will have no hope of finding him in... South-End. That's where the train is heading back to, apparently. Good. Far away from Phil and his family. 

He looks around and sees no familiar faces, unsure of whether or not that's a good or a bad thing, he takes off from the platform and heads up toward the pay phone to call his mum. He spots he phone and sighs in relief at the fact that the station is still familiar to him, if it weren't for his physical and emotional scars it would almost be as if he never left Manchester in the first place.  
He watches a pair of men, well, a boy and a man, move from the phone and into the bathroom and he runs to the phone, rummaging through his pockets for his loose change because slotting it into the machine.  
"Hello?" His dad answers his family's landline.  
"Dad, it's Phil," he says shakily, "Did mum tell you I'm coming home?"  
"You're coming now? Today?"  
"Yeah..." Phil sighs, "I know it's last minute, I'm sorry, but it's urgent..."  
"No, no, of course it's alright! Your mum just didn't tell me when you were coming. Why aren't you calling from your phone? The handset didn't show your name?" His dad asks, "Or maybe it did and I'm just getting old..."  
"I'm, um, I'm calling from a pay phone. I'll be there soon, love you!" Phil answers hastily before hanging up the phone and letting out a deep breath as he turns into the men's bathroom. 

 

"Get off me!" Phil hears as he opens the door, the voice sounds young and terrified, "Fucking- stop!"  
He continues into the public bathroom, door slamming behind him, and sees the boy and the man that were standing in front of the pay phone before. The man, his dark brown hair stuck to his sweaty forehead, has the boy cornered. The boy has tears streaming down his face and the man's hands around his wrists, pinning him against the wall. Well, that's how they were until the man heard the slam of the door and dropped the teenager to the floor, spinning around just in time for his face to meet Phil's fist.  
Phil's never hurt someone before. He doesn't know what's come over him, but as he sees the man stagger, he pushes him so that he crashes to the ground. Phil rushes to help up the poor teenaged boy, leading him to the door, stopping only to kick the man, who Phil assumes is in his mid-twenties, in the ribs when he begins getting back up. 

"Are you okay?" Phil asks as he starts to lead the boy out of the station.  
"Yeah..." He answers quietly.  
"Do you feel alright?"  
"...Just stupid."  
"I'm Phil," Phil introduces himself properly as the make it out and onto the street, "Do you want to go to the police?"  
"No. No police, I don't want to make it worse..." The teenager shakes his head, and Phil understands. He understands all too well.  
"Do you know him?"  
"I thought I did..." The brown haired boy whimpers, "It doesn't matter."  
"What's your name?" Phil asks.  
"Dan." 

 

"Phil?" Dan asks, "Are you sure your parents won't mind?"  
They're sitting in the back of a taxi on their way to Phil's parent's place. Phil brushes his own black fringe from his eyes and smiles as the nervous looking Dan beside him.  
"It'll be fine. I haven't been home in... Almost two years now, so my family will be thrilled even if I bring home a friend."  
"Why've you been away so long?" Dan asks, and Phil shakes his head.  
"I guess time just flew and I didn't notice," he lies.  
"If I went two years without seeing my mum and dad," Dan begins, "I would be so miserable."  
“That’s why I’m coming back,” Phil nods, “Speaking of mums and dads, do your parents know where you are? How old are you?”  
“I’m eighteen,” Dan rolls his eyes, “I’m not a runaway or something, don’t worry. My parents know where I am… sort of.”  
“Sorry,” Phil apologises, “Where’re you from? You don’t sound Northern,” Phil chuckles.  
“You got me,” Dan smiles, “I’m not from around here.”  
“I don’t think I really am anymore. It’s been so long since I moved to London…”  
“London? Wow… It’s not cheap there,” Dan shakes his head, “What do you do for work?” 

Phil swallows. He hasn’t been allowed to work since moving in with Harry, he wasn’t allowed to. If Phil worked then he would have access to large amounts of money and Harry wouldn’t let that. It would have given Phil the ability to control his own life.  
“I um… I didn’t work…” Phil says quietly.  
“How could you afford London then?”  
“Oh, my um- my boyfriend paid for it all…” Phil mumbles.  
“You have a rich boyfriend?” Dan laughs, “Nice. I’ve gotta admit that I see why he’d like you. You can hold your own, the way to hit Nathan like that was… wow, and you’re pretty cool,” Dan smiles, “And have good hair.”  
“Thanks,” Phil laughs, “So Nathan was that guy’s name?”  
“Yeah…” Dan sighs, eager to get the subject off of him, “How come your boyfriend isn’t visiting your family with you?”  
“Because he’s not my boyfriend anymore.”  
“You’re leaving him?”  
“Escaping him,” Phil corrects, but he shouldn’t have. He regrets it the second the words leave his mouth, “He just isn’t the right person for me.” 

The taxi stops and Phil clears his throat before handing over the last of his cash to the driver and signalling for Dan to get out.  
“Are you sure your-”  
“Dan, I wouldn’t have offered if it wasn’t going to be okay. Where else are you going to go?”  
“Home?” Dan suggests,  
“Not likely, considering the fact that you’ve got a point to prove to your mum at least,” Phil smiles, “I know that feeling all too well, and look where I am now, back at mum’s house with less than what I started out with.” 

Phil’s parents accept Dan with open arms, happy that Phil has a friend and completely unaware of the fact that they haven’t even known each other for two hours yet.  
“No Harry?” his mum asks, “I was really looking forward to meeting him!”  
“Yeah… look there’s something I want to talk to you about later,” Phil responds quietly, “I just want to get settled in first.”  
“Of course, sweetheart. Do you want to talk to your dad as well?”  
“Yeah,” he sighs, “Yeah, okay.” 

Phil directs Dan upstairs and into the guest bedroom, showing him where the bathroom is, where he can put his belongings and then excuses himself. As he turns to leave, he feels a gentle hand around his wrist and looks back at the boy in front of him. Dan swallows hard and pulls the pair together, wrapping his arms around Phil.  
“Thank you for saving me today…” Dan whispers, and Phil hugs him back.  
“You’re welcome,” Phil smiles as Dan pulls away shyly, “You should call your mum and let her know where you are.”  
“I will, thanks,” Dan smiles. Phil’s glance lingers for a moment before he heads downstairs to find his parents. 

They’re already sitting at the dining room table when he walks in, and he sits across from them with a pained face.  
“Is everything alright?” he dad asks, and Phil shakes his head. He’s always been close with his parents, except for when Harry wouldn’t let Phil contact them more than once a week while he was listening in. He doesn’t want to lie to them.  
“I’ve left Harry,” Phil spills quickly, “We were walking back to our flat, and he left to go to the pub and… I ran to the station and took the first train here. I haven’t spoken to him, and I’m not going to. Please, if he calls here don’t tell him I’m here. Say you haven’t heard anything from me.”  
“Philip Lester, you know that you can’t just do that! You know better! Has he tried to call you? Are you just going to ignore him forever? What about your clothes and all of your belongings? You haven’t thought about this at all! Poor Harry is probably sitting at home worried sick!” his mother gushes. Phil feels the tears pricking in the corners of his eyes and he sucks in a hurt and angry breath as they begin to fall.  
“’Poor Harry’ has spent the past two years controlling me and my life. I’m not allowed to have friends. I’m not allowed to see you guys. I’m not allowed to work. I’m not allowed to have my phone unless Harry is with me, when he goes out he takes it with him. I can’t do anything! I haven’t been able to do a single thing that I’ve wanted to do since I moved to London! Believe me, I’ve tried… He makes me feel guilty about things that I’m not responsible for. If I argue, disagree, or complain… it gets worse.”  
“Phil, is he hurting you?” he dad asks very seriously, but Phil can’t answer. He’s sobbing and heaving in deep, shuttered breaths, wiping away the streams of tears with the back of his hand. “Phil… what has he done to you?”  
“Come here, baby,” his mother whispers, standing up and walking around the table to envelop him in a hug.  
“He hurts me,” Phil manages after a few moments. “Today he forgot to take my phone with him, and I don’t know what I was thinking… I just ran. It had my Oyster card in the case, and between the phone and the card there was a little bit of money I’d hidden there for emergencies… I shouldn’t have left…”  
“You did the right thing, Philip,” his dad encourages, “You are so brave for coming home, okay? We’re so proud of you and we’re here for you.”  
“We have to go to the police,” his mum says, “We need to make sure you’re safe and that this doesn’t happen to anyone else.”  
“I can’t… it wasn’t that bad… it’s not that big of a deal, I just can’t go back…” 

Phil cries, lying in bed and gripping onto the duvet as tight as his fingers will allow. He does all that he can to stay as quiet as possible, he doesn’t want to make more of a fuss than he already has. His hair is still wet from the shower he took after everyone else had gone to bed, he doesn’t want anyone to see his bruised jaw now that his makeup has been washed off. There’s a light tap at the door and Phil wipes his face quickly, leaving the sleeves of his pyjamas damp.  
“Yeah?” he calls out, switching on the lamp on his bedside table and sitting up inside his heap of pillows and blankets.  
The door opens a little and Dan steps in silently, “Are you okay?” he asks.  
“Yeah,” Phil nods, “It’s just been a big day… Are you alright? Did I wake you?”  
“Hardly,” Dan smiles with a shake of his head, “I’m fine. You’re not though.”  
“No, I’m not…” Phil confesses, moving closer to the wall and gesturing for Dan to sit down.  
“At least you have your family now?” Dan suggests, earning a smile and a nod from Phil, “You have friends too, I’m sure.”  
“Not anymore…”  
“You have me,” Dan smiles, Phil notices his dimples for the first time since meeting and he smiles back. “I think we’re going to be great friends,” Dan finishes.  
Phil nods, “So do I.” 

The next few months pass quickly and soon enough Dan and Phil consider each other to be best friends. Dan's parents meet Phil early on in the New Year and are ecstatic that their son has such a great friend in his life.  
Over the next two years, Phil watches Dan grow up into a less boy-ish figure and is slightly disappointed when he finds out that Dan is actually taller than him now. Dan just laughs and tells him to sit down and prepare himself for some serious news. 

The next fifteen years after that are a blur of surprises, stress, love, and experiences that neither one of them thought they would ever experience together. They share a flat, everything belongs to them both, and somewhere along the lines they fall in love. Dan even proposes to Phil, asking him to replace the batteries in the Wii controllers only to find that the last one doesn't have batteries, but a set of matching engagement rings instead. Of course Phil says yes, smiling so wide that it's contagious and Dan is grinning too as Phil wraps his arms around him and says, "I want to hold onto you forever."  
Soon enough they move into a small three bedroom house, it's small but beautiful, and they work together on BBC1 Radio to afford it. 

They're a family, and through everything that they've been through and how long it's been, they're still together, they're still in love, and they're still trying to figure out this whole parenting thing.


	2. Chapter Two

Flushed red checks, chubby fingers, and fine, dark brown hair. Wide, curious eyes and a confused, yet intrigued, expression make up the young baby's face as he sits between Dan and Phil, balanced on one of each of their knees as they perch on the black couch in their old flat's living room, both smiling down at the way the baby has wrapped his fingers around Phil's thumb instead of looking into the camera. 

Phil remembers that day well. So does Dan for that matter. It was Dylan's slightly-late birthday party, celebrating the fact that he had been born six months prior. Phil smiles as he looks back at the photo between his fingers. It seems like it was so long ago, but at the same time it's almost as though it was only yesterday. 

"You two are almost identical, you know that?" Phil says over his shoulder, and Dan laughs from across the room. 

"Don't tell him that, he'll bite your head off!" He chuckles, and Phil smiles. 

"Should we use this one?" Phil asks, standing and walking over to Dan. Dan takes the picture and stares at it fondly for a moment. 

"I love this photo… It’s one of my favourites, is it totally lame that I feel like I’m going to cry?” Dan answers, and Phil shakes his head with a fond smile, “He's turning fifteen, Phil. He'll hate it if we put this in the video..." 

"Is that a yes?" 

"That's a yes," Dan grins, "We're terrible people,” he adds with a cheeky chuckle, and his black haired partner takes his chance to quickly admire Dan’s deep dimples. 

"We're just fulfilling our parental duties!" Phil declares, tearing his eyes from Dan’s face and looking at the array of other chosen photos. "Jesus, Dan..." 

"What?" 

"You could be twins, it's scary!" 

"Stop it!" Dan laughs again, "He looks like you, too!" 

They've been having this play-argument for fifteen years now and it still never gets old. The fact of the matter is that Dylan, their one and only child, looks nothing like Phil, and they both know it. Growing up, Dylan, or Dil for short, has shown such a striking resemblance to Dan that when one of their fans had somehow found a photo of the boy as a toddler, spreading it online for the world to see, everyone had immediately assumed it was Dan. It wasn't, and Dil still occasionally stumbles across the photo of himself as he scrolls through the internet. 

Dan is Dil's biological father, which, funnily enough, explains why they look so alike. Back when Dan was almost twenty years old he'd gone out one night and gotten a little bit tipsy, resulting in him going home with a rather pretty girl named Lydia, whom found herself with a positive pregnancy test a few short weeks later. 

The poor girl was barely eighteen and most definitely not ready for a baby. Heck, she didn't even live in the UK. She was on holiday, traveling from Australia to visit England for what was supposed to be two months. She didn't even tell her friends and family about the baby, with the exception of her best friend, Lisa, so she made excuses to extend her 'holiday' in London and gave birth a week and a half before catching a flight home and leaving the baby with his father. 

Now, don't take this the wrong way, but Dan was shocked the day that Lydia had asked to meet him and then broke the news. He almost didn't believe it; how could he have gotten someone pregnant? How could he be so careless? He had almost considered opting out of the situation altogether, but Phil encouraged him to support the young girl. 

“She’s scared, pregnant, and alone in a foreign country…” Phil had said, “You can’t possibly believe that you wouldn’t feel horrible for abandoning her – you’re a good person, Dan, you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself.” 

 

Eventually Dan fell in love. Not with Lydia, as many fantastic qualities as she may have had, but with his unborn child. It's easy to understand why he was so distraught when Lydia announced that she was heading back to Liverpool in Australia. 

"Lydia, this is my baby too... You can't take them away from me! Please..." Dan had pleaded, 

"I'm not taking it, Dan, I can't. Mum would literally kill me, and honestly, I don't want to raise a baby alone in Livo." 

"You're not- you're... What's going to happen to them?" he asked, at the time he was almost terrified to hear the answer, but he had to know. He had to know that his child would be okay! Lydia had decided that she didn’t want to know the sex of the child during pregnancy, she also decided to make it very clear that she didn’t want to know after the baby was born either – she knows now though, obviously, through social media and apparently through listening to Dan and Phil’s weekday morning radio show that she’s told Phil she’s able to tune into online sometimes. 

"You can take it, or it's going up for adoption," she told Dan, and the second she had uttered the sentence, Dan spoke, forming his words very clearly and confidently, 

"I'll take the baby." 

And after that, he never looked back. He's heard from Lydia a total of three times since she left the country fifteen years ago, she's doing well and has her own family now with her husband and children; two girls and a boy, all aged between two and nine. 

 

“Can we get him a cake with Barbie on it?”   
“No, Phil.”   
“I think he would like a cake that’s shaped like a race car,” Phil comments as he and Dan stroll through their local supermarket, buying supplies for Dil’s birthday celebrations.   
“I honestly spend literally every day wondering why you’re the favourite parent even though you suggest things like that,” Dan shakes his head in faux sadness. Within seconds he can feel Phil’s arm around him, pulling him closer, and he takes in a breath of comfort within Phil’s grasp.   
“He loves you so much, Dan, you know that,” Phil comforts, not having paid enough attention to have noticed that Dan’s comment wasn’t entirely serious – this time. “Dil doesn’t have a favourite, he loves us both and needs us for different things in his life. If anything, you’re the favourite; you gave him his good looks, and what teenaged boy wouldn’t be revelling in that?” 

The house is surprisingly clean and, apparently, completely empty of other people, Dil notes as he closes the front door behind him after his short walk home from school. He doesn’t even have to check the house to know that his dads aren’t home, they’re usually so loud that he can hear them laughing and talking from whatever room they’re in. He doesn’t think much of the fact that they’re not home. He’s old enough to look after himself after school, he’s going to be fifteen tomorrow and that practically makes him an adult the way he sees it. His dads don’t exactly agree with him, but they’ll come around… hopefully.   
Dil grabs a snack from the kitchen, accidentally knocking the back of his hand against one of the kitchen cupboards and swearing in response to the pain. Great. Just another thing to add onto his list of contributions to his bad day. Hand still hurting, he ends up dropping his sandwich on the bench and taking a few moments to shake his hand vigorously in hopes that it would help dissolve the pain before picking his food up again, putting it on a plate, and wandering off into his bedroom. 

He's scared. He's scared he'll never have any friends again. Sure, he's got three left, but who knows how much longer they'll stick around? After what happened he's willing to bet that it's not much longer. 

He trudges from his spot beside his door, scanning the navy-blue bedsheets as he passes the double bed on his way to his laptop. With a deep sigh, he lifts the lid and turns it on, his hazel eyes watching the tiny red and green lights twinkle on as it wakes up. The second he types his password and is logged on, he opens Tumblr and heads straight to his instant messages, seeing three new messages from his "internet friend", Aisling, from Ireland. Dil's never met Aisling before, but he knows her and trusts her. 

"Ugh, I swear some of my teachers literally hate me.   
“Do you think that I should maybe start doing my homework?   
“It's not my fault I have no motivation..." Her collective messages read.   
"I know how you feel," Dil replies, "School was real bad today."   
"What happened?" She answers almost immediately, and he smiles.   
"I really fucked up..."   
"What did you do???"   
"Promise not to say anything or judge me? I really don't have anyone else to talk to about this..." He sends.   
"I promise."   
"My nudes got sent around my school..."   
"Your WHAT?!" She answers.   
"I know! I shouldn't have taken them!"   
"Why would you send them to anyone?! Not judging, btw!"   
"I didn't... Someone that had my phone must've seen them and sent them to themselves or someone else... I know that because two days ago I got home from school and all of my messages from all of my contacts were deleted. My dads are gonna kill me..."   
"Holy shit. Do any teachers know?" She sends,   
"No!!! If they find out they'll tell my dads..."   
"Are you okay??"   
"No... I gotta go before my dads get home, I gotta figure out what to do... Talk later?"   
"Of course xx" 

He logs off, needing to separate himself from the internet, the reason why his personal photos had spread around so quickly in the first place. Within an hour, his dads arrive back home and Dan takes all of the shopping into the kitchen while Phil heads straight to Dil’s room.   
“Hey kiddo, how was school?” he asks, picking up the plate that formerly held Dil’s sandwich.   
“It was school-ish,” Dil answers, and Phil nods as through he’s said something highly insightful,   
“Good school-ish, or not-so-good-school-ish?” Phil asks, and for the first time that afternoon, Dil looks at him to answer.   
“Can I change schools?” he asks, eyes practically begging, and Phil’s bright smile softens to a look of concern. He sits down on the bed and the young boy rotates his chair to face his dad.   
“What happened, Dilly?” Phil queries gently, but Dil just looks down and swallows, “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”   
“I can’t tell you…”   
“Do you want me or dad to talk to the school?”   
“No!” Dil snaps, eyes locking with Phil’s, “I mean… please don’t. It’ll only get worse…”   
“Alright,” Phil resides with a nod, “If I can help though, you’ll tell me?” Dil nods and Phil’s face settles into a comfortable smile, “Love you,” he says as he walks out the door. Dil doesn’t say anything. 

 

Dil has about six close friends, if Dan and Phil recall correctly, but only three show up to the small birthday get together, Henry, Emma, and Iann. Aside from Dil and his friends, Dan, Phil, and their friends Chris, and PJ, both sets of Dil’s grandparents have arrived too. After everyone’s greeted everyone else, two groups form; adults in the living room and teenagers in Dil’s bedroom. 

“Dylan’s grown so much since we last saw him,” Phil’s mum notes, taking a seat between Dan and her husband.   
“He’s almost taller than you now, Phil!” Dan’s mother chimes in, sparking a familiar discussion amongst the two sets of grandparents. Dan laughs as the four older family members continue, and Phil grabs his hand under the table, rubbing little circles gently on his skin.   
“That reminds me!” Phil’s mum speaks up again after several minutes of conversation, when are you two going to start planning your big celebration?”   
“Mum…” Phil starts, but Dan cuts him off with a smile.   
“Soon,” he says, “Don’t worry, you’re all pre-invited,” he laughs.   
“We just want to make sure everything’s alright with Dilly before we plan anything huge like that, you know?” Phil continues, “He’s got some teenager stuff going on and we want him to know that he’s the most important thing to us.”   
“Oh, of course!” Dan’s mum chimes as the rest of the group nods in agreement, “But don’t forget that ten years is a big deal!”   
“Do you guys remember the little suit that Dil wore?” PJ smiles, “Your wedding was probably my favourite wedding ever.”   
“You’re just saying that because you got to put together all the surprise creative stuff,” Chris laughs, “But Dil’s little bow tie was my favourite.”   
“He must’ve been, what, five?” Phil’s dad asks, and Dan nods, “And now he’s almost a man!” 

The group of adults laugh and the chatter continues as they eat the snacks that Phil had put out before everyone had arrived, but the conversation comes to a screeching halt with the asking of one particular question:   
“Boys,” Dan’s mum says, “Have you thought about having any more children?”   
“Honestly,” Phil says, “We literally never thought about having children. By the time we were together, we already had Dylan and it was physically impossible for us to have any more surprise babies,” he laughs.   
“We’ve always had Dil,” Dan adds,   
“He’s probably one of the best two things to ever happen to us,” Phil nods.   
“Aw,” Phil’s mum coos, “What’s the other one?”  
“First is us meeting, that’s obviously a special one. Also, Phil probably saved my life, so um, thanks,” Dan laughs, “The second is Dylan…”   
“So, no more kids?” she asks,   
“We’ll see,” Phil grins.

Henry, Emma, Iann and Dil have known each other since they started seventh form, well, Henry and Emma have known each other a little longer since they’re twins, but otherwise, they’ve known each other for about two years now. Their other friends, Donny, Annaliese, and Meagan are currently not their friends. Emma says that things will sort themselves out, but Dil’s not so sure. After those nude photos of him practically went viral around school literally half of his friends suddenly weren’t his friends any more.   
“They’ll come around,” Emma reminds the group as she sits in the chair by Dil’s computer.   
“Who even spread it anyway?” Iann asks, Emma shrugs.   
“I don’t know,” Dil says.   
“Who’s had access to your phone?” Emma asks and this time Dil shrugs.   
“Could be worse,” Iann offers, “Like, I dunno, you could have a tiny-”   
“Ian, can we not go there please?!” Dil cuts his friend off.   
“Happy birthday anyway,” Henry says, earning a smile from Dil. Henry never really says much so any vocal contribution from him is a welcome one in Dil’s opinion.   
“My dads are gonna kill me if they find out…” Dil says after a moment and Iann puts his arm around Dil’s shoulders.   
“C’mon mate, it’s not your fault and your dads are pretty cool about most things. Remember last year when they caught you-” Ian begins, but Dil cuts his straight off.   
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence!” he stares at Iann.   
“Oh, what did they catch you doing then, mate?” Henry laughs,   
“They caught him watching porn,” Iann chortles, “Not just that, but he had two windows opened side-by-side, gay porn on one side of the screen and straight on the other!”   
“I regret ever telling you anything…” Dil mumbles.   
“That’s really fuckin’ weird, Dil,” Henry comments.   
“I don’t think it’s weird,” Emma chimes in, “Heaps of the guys I used to hang out with do that.”   
Dil smiles at her as a thanks for lying for him and quickly jumps back into the conversation,   
“Anyway, I just can’t tell them,” he says.


End file.
